hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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