It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
