Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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