It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
