There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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