So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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