He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
