I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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