you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
