I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
