Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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