I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
