oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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