If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
