My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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