Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
