YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Randomize
