On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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