Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
