In the future we'll all be gay
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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