The brown eye won't let me do that either.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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