No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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