Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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