When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
