he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
