Ambien. No doubt about it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
