soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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