Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
