Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
