My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
