even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
