yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
