How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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