I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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