Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
