Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
