It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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