Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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