Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
