Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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