sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
