Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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