i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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