I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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