I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
