I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
