he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
