is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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