You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
