You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
