I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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