Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When did angry sex become our thing?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
