I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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