just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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