capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
