I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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