It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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