Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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