I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
