To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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