gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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