So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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