I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
