Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
