So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
