He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
