Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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