First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
